The Speechwriter

Networking Event Speeches

For the past ten years, I have been fascinated by how public meetings work. What makes an event buzz? Why are most institutions dying? How do you organise people?

This is particularly relevant to what I do because the key to a good event is a good speech.

I really don't like state-sponsored networking events. Someone from the council needs to round up a group of people in the community. So they organise a 'free' networking event.

That's a bad move from the start, because if there is a free buffet, you'll just attract people interested in the free buffet. A small charge at least focuses people's minds. Why am I there?

Yesterday I went to a meeting for theatre people in the Dorset area. It was a familiar experience.

At first it was difficult to find out where the meeting was. There were no signs in the foyer of the theatre.

A tell-tale whiteboard gave a hint. I approached the lady running it, let's call her Brenda, and she was quite welcoming. We were invited to fill in post-its to put on the wall, suggesting what we wanted for the arts in the area, because Brenda was about to apply for some grants.

I had some interesting conversations with the people who were milling around. Some of them had travelled from quite a distance.

And we just carried on milling around, until the play we were supposed to see started. Now what is wrong with such a meeting?

1) Brenda did not introduce herself to the group. She gave no speech of welcome explaining what the group was about.

2) There was no designated meeter-and-greeter to welcome people and maybe give them a badge.

3) The people there could not explain what their expectations were from the group. The alcoholics anonymous ritual is essential on this sort of occasion: "My name's Brian and I'm a....". It helps people to identify who they might like to speak to.

4) The group was asked to write down what they wanted. So there were some rather optimistic suggestions, like the council should pay for everyone to go on a theatre trip.

5) There was no mention of future meetings.

Later I asked a few people their opinion. They seemed slightly disappointed. I approached Brenda and tried to give her some positive feedback. But she replied that the group had agreed that they didn't want formality. They didn't want badges and stuff.

My conclusion is that Brenda didn't want to do the public speaking and organise the badges, and she projected that idea. As one person said to me afterwards, there was no leadership in the group.

In my group, BomoCreatives, people hate the ritual of explaining who they are in 30 seconds (which they sometimes have to do in front of over 30 people). But they come back because they see the benefits.

My suspicion is Brenda took a strong dislike to me. I tend to think I'm wiser to keep silent on these occasions and avoid these kind of groups.

It's sad, as it wastes enormous amounts of time and energy.

Sympathy for Gerald Ratner

I am creating a public speaking course to be taught later this year, and I've been asked to include some clips of speeches. Of course, public speaking horror stories don't come any better than Gerald Ratner's fall from grace at the Institute of Directors on 23 April, 1991. He ran a cheap and cheerful jewellery chain, which was an incredible retail success.

But reading his defence (see article in The Times), it sounds very plausible that he could never have imagined the response. He was just throwing in a few tried-and-tested jokes.

Supposedly the Financial Times printed the jokes a few years earlier. Comments like: "Diamonds are a very bad investment - especially ours."

The ones he actually used in the speech were good for a private audience. I like the comment that their earrings were "cheaper than an M&S prawn sandwich but probably wouldn't last as long."

His other perilous statement was, "We also do cut-glass sherry decanters complete with six glasses on a silver-plated tray that your butler can serve you drinks on, all for £4.95. People say, "How can you sell this for such a low price?" I say, because it's total crap."

In a way this is what people want from famous public speakers, the inside story, the insight into how it really is. I'm sure his audience thought he was a hoot.

My problem with them is that they are cheap jokes, which are not suitable for a businessman to deliver. Some people still wince at the use of the word crap, so it would have to go in my book.

These days you have to be a lot more careful and with mobile phones and other devices, you can be exposed in almost any context for speaking without due consideration.

Other comment on the speech points out that Ratner's mistake was to make a 1980s speech in the 1990s. How true. Stirring up envy of Ratner's ostentatious wealth was a good seam for the tabloids to mine during hard times.

Reading the account of how he put the speech together, asking friends and family if certain things were appropriate, gave me some sympathy for the man who gave the name to the phrase, "doing a Ratner".

Ronald Reagan's Jokes

This is a short video of some of Ronald Reagan's best lines.

Taking Calls on Your Mobile During Speeches

Should you or shouldn't you? It seems to be pretty obvious that under no circumstances should you take a call on your mobile during a speech. But even one-time Presidential hopefuls don't get it.

See this clip of Giuliani taking a call from his wife during a speech to the National Rifle Association. The audience reaction sounds positive, but I found this clip having read that members of the audience were appalled at Giuliani's action.

Book and Film Reviews

As a hobby, I like to review the books I read and the DVDs I watch. I am at present 1246 in the hierarchy of Amazon reviewers. Looking back, it's useful to know when you encountered an author or a director. Especially if a book has an influence on your behaviour. I took Nassim Nicholas Taleb's advice and stopped watching TV news. I've found Mark Forster's ideas on time-management very useful, but difficult to put into practice.

I'm in the habit these days of watching a DVD, then looking it up on imdb.com and Wikipedia. Then I write my Amazon review having got all the background.

I've also created a list of the top ten books for speechwriters.

Click here to read my profile page on Amazon and see the reviews.

Arthur C Clarke Obituary

A couple of lines were worth noting from the obituary of Arthur C Clarke in The Economist.

When asked about UFO's he said, "They tell us absolutely nothing about intelligence elsewhere in the universe, but they do prove how rare it is on Earth."

And his chosen epitaph? "He never grew up; but he never stopped growing."